The deepest, darkest hollows of pain

I went to see Taryn tonight, I've been missing her a lot.

And I realised just what a shitty partner I have always been. Since she is the closest I have to a best friend, I told her how I have been feeling the last month, how I've been beating myself up again. Although she denies me being a bad person, I know I am.

It's 2:30am, I have laryngitis, I have trouble sleeping, and I can not stand living any longer. So many painful emotions.

Ruining Taryn's life, and having Bianca in my life now. She stays with her folks for now, since she didn't have a job until the recent landing. Things at home are not confortable for her, and this air seems to have started shortly after my arrival. All I touch turns to shit, this is my share of success.

So I'm ruining her life too.

I have come so close to pulling the trigger tonight. Will I see the dawn of the new day? Maybe it's time for me to go now. Perhaps I've hurt enough people.