Saturday Night Fever

Sitting on the carpet at home. It’s supposed to be nearing the end of summer now, but tonight is so hot, I can’t sit on the couch.

I’ve recently discovered how to use my GPRS modem on my phone, considering that I’m still waiting for Telkom to install my ADSL line at home. The amount of waiting one has to do in South Africa is seriously mind numbing!

So, why blog on a Saturday? Well, I don’t know. I have a need to write to my diary, that’s why.

This morning, I slept a bit late, around 9am or so. Got up, vacuumed the carpets, then we went to the shops to get some stuff. Taryn wanted some Doc Martens, and I remembered a shop in my home town Randfontein that used to sell them, so we went there. They had plenty of shoes in her size, so she got a pair of 8-hole boots and some buckle shoes. So she’s really happy, having 3 pairs of Docs. I need to replace my boots too, so I’ll get mine at the end of the month.

After that, we just got some random stuff, and a DVD,Glass House. I saw the flick yonks ago, but I didn’t remember much of it, so it was good to watch it again.
Last night, I took a shower just after 20:00, and as I stepped out of the shower, I was attacked by this huge man eating spider! I hate spiders, they’re creepy looking things put on earth to torture mankind. I guess I have a touch of arachnophobia, and a short chat with my mom will reveal why this is so. When I was a baby, they went on holiday, and woke up with me screaming bloody murder. When they switched on the light, there was a Monkey Spider (kinda like the big brother version of a tarantula) sitting on my chest, its hairy paws clawing at my face. Apparently this thing was the size of my head. So therefore I have a slight issue with these eight legged fiends.

That and the fact that one nearly killed my dad, he was in hospital for nearly 3 weeks, and he was so weak at one point that we started getting ready for a funeral, it was that bad. So no spiders for me, thank you.

Haven’t heard anything from Suny about her travels again, but I do know that she is/was in Edinburgh today. I hope she’s having a smashingly good time. I’m not too fond of the United Kingdom at all, for all sorts of reasons, but as long as she enjoys it, right?

I could really do with her company tonight, Taryn’s gone to bed, and it’s not even 22:00 yet, so I’m left to my own mind again. It’s not good for me to be alone and idle at this point in time, with my thoughts in so much turmoil about the possible job in Toronto, the dire financial straits at present, and the girl that I want to chat to. Weird how I’m all confused about her, and she’s the one I want as company.

I wonder if life ever gets easy.

Random thought of the day: Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Cadaverous Mastication

Yesterday, Barend phoned me and practically begged me to play drums for his project in Pretoria. I auditioned for them quite a few months ago, but the music wasn’t quite my style, and they’re not particularly flexible about what they wanted as drumlines.

However, he said that all they’ve been talking about since my audition is to try and convince me to join them. They have had nearly 20 other drummers audition, and I’m the only one that could do the job.

So I agreed. Truth is, I miss making music with the dude. PSordid has been very quiet because of the whole rehearsal room issue. Our new room should be ready by the end of this weekend, so we can get in there and start making some seriously noisy music again. I really need that release.

As for the music that I’ve been listening to, I’ve been in an Iced Earth phase for the past 8 months, still not nearly over it. Damnit they’re good.

Suny came online yesterday, and we had a quick chat. It made my day. And she said some things that made me all warm and fuzzy inside. If you haven’t figured out by now that there’s something between us that really shouldn’t be there, then you’re a doofus. It’s like an unspoken affection, but beyond friendship, yet not relationship material either. It’s a wonder, a What-If.

I worked until 21:30 last night, so I’ll be leaving real soon to go home. I’m quite tired, as I didn’t sleep much, and I really feel like I’m glued to this chair by now.

This morning, I fell asleep after the first alarm, and dreamed of a kid getting run over, and people staring at the scene, nobody helping. My sister was in it, and her and I went to do the first aid on the girl. It was so weird. I hope it’s not a premonition.

I’m rather hungry; I really need to start packing lunch every day. It’s not good to be hungry at work, and the stuff they stock here can’t be good for the cholesterol levels. I’m feeling very bloated and undernourished; I really should make an effort.

*blah blah blah, blah blah, blah* That’s all my sub conscience hears. “Like hell you’ll eat properly, buddy”

So the weekend. We’ll go to Randfontein, het Taryn her Docs. She’s been wanting them for so long. And I’ll go to the soap shop, get some cleaning stuff. Other than that, no plans WHATSOEVER.

As for now, I’m shutting down.

Random thought of the day: Just smile and wave boys, just smile and wave.

Homosapien

I have this anonymous blog reader that, every now and again, posts a comment on my blog. I’m pretty sure it’s the same person every time, because the writing style and advice seems to be pretty much in line.

It’s kinda weird to think that someone else is reading my diary. But it’s also nice that someone would actually think that my spurious ramblings are actually worth reading. To my avid reader, thank you for the comments, they’re not pointless or useless, but insightful and cool, you are obviously a bit older and more experienced than myself.

Now, on to today’s proceedings…

The internet service provider to my office has screwed up. The router on my side seems to be rejecting certain types of traffic. So I logged the call on Tuesday. Today is Thursday, and still nothing has been fixed. All they do is phone me and argue that their stuff is working. So last night, I jack in a modem into the server, dial up to a regular ISP, and the e-mail server started replicating immediately. The geeky among us know that Lotus Domino isn’t a very fussy mail server, it works over just about any internet connection. Except, it would seem, Internet Solutions. All of a sudden.

So this morning, I act all uptight, and tell the support staff that I want someone ON SITE before 11, or there will be hell to pay. I have installed a client on a separate machine, and plugged it in BEHIND the firewall, thus bypassing all VPN stuff. Which I needn’t do, because the Rustenburg site is connected through VPN to our office at this very moment, and they are replicating with my server.

Yet, IS does not work. Not even when I’m plugged in behind the firewall, bypassing all that makes sense and all that doesn’t. This is as good as being plugged straight into a satellite dish. And they still want to argue. Can you believe it…

Last night, Harmse and I went to play our weekly pool games. It’s only a recent thing, made official but two weeks ago.

10:17 : Kaveer from IS just phoned. Finally someone that knows something! He reconfigured a load of stuff, and it looks like it’s finally working. Sheesh, my stomach…

Back to the pool game. We had some rum and coke, and some more. Then I had some J&B on the rocks, played a friendly match against two other guys, obviously professional players, so we got our asses kicked! Then I got a basket of fries, and we chilled a bit. Got home slightly woosie, but far from drunk.

It helps to have a friend one can talk to.

But my brains are still messed up with thoughts of the Chinese girl. Why oh why do I have to feel for her? It’s just supposed to be a friend.

Random thought of the day: Beware the beast man for he is the devils pawn. Alone among God's primates he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back to his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death." - Cornelius, Planet of the Apes (1968)

Thorn in my side

Reading through the history of my blog was indeed an enlightening experience. Things have obviously not been particularly easy for me at all, even though when I try and remember them, it doesn’t feel that way at all.

I remember some of the things, but I can’t recall the emotions at all. Theophostic counselling about a year ago helped me to realise that it was easy to forgive and to let go of stuff that hurts.

I’m in the most vexing of situations at present. There’s a job opportunity in Toronto going open, and I’m considering looking into it. But I first have to decide if I actually want to leave South Africa. Everything I love is here, everyone I love is here. I have a house, a car, a life. And would Taryn want to move? Do I want her to move with me? Would it be for a few years, or permanently? What if it was my choice?

Very difficult indeed.

And my emotional state is still not stable after the weekend. That girl really messed up my brains for me. Can’t believe I let it happen. Would have been very upset if I didn’t.

I received my 5 year service award from the company. Funny that it would happen after the company got bought out by a rival, eh? 5 years. Plus the contracts and stuff, I’ve been around the place for nearly 8 years now. I’m furniture here…

At least they’re nice pens, I like them. Feels good to be awarded for working your ass off. Pens don’t sew your ass back on, but it helps fill in the forms at the hospital (

I think I could be okay today. I’m glad I have this blog; it gives me a place to weed out my thoughts.

Random thought of the day: I wish I was a dog. Dogs have it easy. They don’t have the complications of falling in love.

Existence

My heart hurts me today.

It doesn’t make sense though, and that’s the worst about it. Because hurt usually has a cause, a reason. Hurt comes from something, someone, an action, words of affliction, a situation. Not happiness. Why does happiness hurt? Not a good hurt, it’s a very very bad hurt. A depression, a longing for death, for escape.

Oh how I hate the morning.

Random thought of the day: I walk the earth another day.

The Void

Fresh scent of innocence
Fills the room
Awaiting your touch
Want more
Get less

I am tired.

It was an awesome weekend to say the least. Having someone as wonderful as Suny visit us could never be dull.

I picked her up from the Joburg Park Station on Friday, after mistakenly thinking that she was at Ghandi’s square first. How stoopid of me. She didn’t seem to mind the fact that I was 2 hours late though.

Then we rented three DVD’s to provide us with entertainment for the evening. Taryn watched two of them with us and retired to bed, she was attending a course and had to get up real early that morning, so she was pretty beat.

Saturday we went shopping in the afternoon, then made our way to Zeplins in Pretoria for the famed Sex Party, which was also a slumber party AND a foam party. A bit lame having foam in a metal club. It was so full, even I started feeling claustrophobic after a while. So we left and went to The Doors, which absolutely rocked. I think someone spiked Taryn’s drink, she was feeling a bit ill, and she hasn’t been drinking a lot.

Anyway, we dragged our weary asses into the house about two hours before sunset, so it was rather late (or is that early?)

Sunday, I got up to help my brother get the trailer onto his bakkie, since I had it by me and he needed to use it, so he came to fetch it.

Then we got MORE DVD’s (what can I say, we like movies). Awesome stuff, loved all of them.

This morning, Suny departed for the UK where she will be enjoying a well deserved holiday. I don’t like the UK, for various reasons, but it’s still an awesome place to visit. Especially on holiday.

I was very sad to see her off at the airport. She brought some light into our lives with her fun easy going character. She taught me how to enjoy myself again, and I will never forget that.

We took a walk in the garden at 3am, sat talking about all sorts of things until who knows what time, enjoyed marvellous company altogether. And she said she WILL come visit again. Not she will think about it. So I’ll be holding her to her word.

A part of me has probably fallen in love with her. I don’t know which part yet, and I don’t want it to interfere with my relationship. But I don’t want it to go away either. I guess it’s just because she brought peace and happiness. And because she is so beautiful and innocent.

I hate the way life works out to never be the best situation for all involved.

Random thought of the day: Forbidden love, only, tastes this sweet.